18 | Slowly on my way to skinny |
SW/HW: 105kg/231lbs | CW: 97.9/216
Days stayed under calorie limit: 5
me: what do you want?
my brain: f r i e s
me: oh ok sounds g-
my brain: SKINNY NOW
me: what i thought u wanted fries
my brain: ch ips PIZZA thiigh gap choCoLate DAINTY b ing e binge BINGE pretty and thin NOW
my ed: how bout we just starve?
me: …
my brain: …
me: k sure
my body: hungry
me: dehydration often presents itself as hung-
my stomach: growling
my mouth: hasn’t touched food since brunch two days ago
Im laughing so hard 😂😂
Lately I’ve been solving all of my problems, irritation and sadness by not eating. If I feel like someone’s being ignorant towards me, my sick mind goes like ’oh, well we better not eat now bc obviously no one cares anyway’ or if I’m having a shitty day, fasting makes me feel really confident and good. This is a very addictive and dangerous way to ”solve” one’s problems.
I only hope that this is the part where my process is still going strong but I just stopped seeing it and everyone else sees it and tells me 😂 lol
Added my start weight to my ’bio’, current weight and goal weights maybe coming soon… when the scale stops frightening me 👀
Tomorrow I’m leaving for French Riviera and well you can just forget about my weightloss for 7 days. Anxiety hasn’t hit me that hard yet but maybe soon…
Me: *sitting on the couch*
My brain: EVERY SECOND YOU ARENT EXERCISING I AM GONNA MAKE U FEEL LIKE YOUR BODY IS EXPANDING EXPONENTIALLY AND YOU WILL PANIC
Me: *sitting but now anxiety*
me: why are my trousers this loose I didn’t even wash them or anything
me: could it be that I,,,, lost weight??
my ed: it’s because you’re fat lol
me: roight
me: i want to be so thin people get worried
people: *get worried*
me: wtf!? why are you worried about me? i literally eat soo much you have no idea. wanna hear what i had for breakf-
